Saturday, November 28, 2015

St. Valentine's Day in November?

As couples begin to think about the date  for their wedding day, they might choose a day that is particularly significant for them.

There have been those couples who've married exactly twelve months since they met, or on which they declared their love for each other, or on their parent's wedding date, or on such a day as St. Valentine's Day, a day dedicated to lovers on 14th February. For more on choosing a memorable day for your wedding day check my book 1,000+ Answers to Your Wedding Questions. And if you want to know the  many ways you  can celebrate St. Valentine's Day, check my book Celebrating Love's Special Moments.

So why talk about St. Valentine's Day in November? 14th February is particularly popular for celebrating weddings - especially when 14th February falls on Saturday - as it will in 2016.

If you live in Australia, and thinking of getting married on 14th February, remember you need to lodge your form with your celebrant at least one month before the wedding day.

Years ago, on St. Valentine's Day, I conducted a Commitment Ceremony for a couple where one partner was going overseas for couple of years, and they used their Commitment Ceremony as a way of cementing their love. The ceremony was held in one of Brisbane's Botanical Gardens, and the only witnesses we had were the birds and the bees - and perhaps a few passing-by tourists.

Years later, back in Australia, I was pleasantly surprised to be asked to conduct the couple's wedding ceremony on St. Valentine's Day. Here is the text of the Commitment Ceremony.


Commitment Ceremony

 Andrew and Mary, today you are about to make a very special promise to one another.

These vows are beautiful words that represent your commitment to each other now and for the rest of your lives.

But you will find that as you live these vows over the years, investing your time, your love and your commitment to one another, the happy times of your life will be twice as joyous, because there will be someone to share those joys with.

When life gets tough, it will only be half as bad, because there will be someone by your side to help carry the burden. For those times when life presents all of us with challenges, remember that prayer for serenity – God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


Love is not just looking at each other.

Love is looking out in the same direction

It is linking our strength to pull a common load.

It is pushing together towards the horizons.

Hand in hand.

Love is knowing that when our strength falters,

We can borrow the strength of someone who cares.

Love is a strange awareness that our sorrows will be shared

And made lighter by sharing.

Those joys will be enriched and multiplied by the joy of another.

Love knows someone else cares that we are not alone in life.


Exchanging Vows

Andrew:          I commit myself to you joyfully and without reservation. I pledge to share my life openly with you, so that we may grow and laugh together. I cherish all that you are, and I trust in your love for me. I promise to be with you through all the changes of our lives.

Mary:              I commit myself to you joyfully and without reservation. I pledge to share my life openly with you, so that we may grow and laugh together. I cherish all that you are, and I trust in your love for me. I promise to be with you through all the changes of our lives.


Exchanging Rings

Vlady:           May these rings be a symbol of your love, respect and commitment to each other, for now and into the future.

Andrew:         Mary, I ask that you receive this ring as a symbol of my love, respect and commitment to you. Please wear it as a constant reminder that I have chosen you above all others to be the one I wish to share my life with.

Mary:              I accept this ring as a symbol of our love, respect and commitment to each other.

Mary:            Andrew, I ask that you receive this ring as a symbol of my love, respect and commitment to you. Please wear it as a constant reminder that I have chosen you above all others to be the one I wish to share my life with.

Andrew:    I accept this ring as a symbol of our love, respect and commitment to each other.

Andrew and Mary, you have made your vows, a commitment which you have made as two individuals, but in which you hope to achieve a bonding of your inner selves to the other.

This bonding of the spirit will enhance your individuality, creating an atmosphere of such absolute trust, that your self-revelation and disclosures will add a new dimension to your knowledge of each other, and understanding of each others’ needs.

You have come here today prepared to give up the lifestyle you have enjoyed, in order to start a new lifestyle together, that of a couple.

You have come to give up not what you are, but to increase the possibility of what you can become. For real love is neither possessive nor enslaving.

Real love nourishes the union of two people in a sense that each partner upholds and confirms the other in what they are, and what they want to be.

Today, on St. Valentine’s Day, a day when lovers throughout the world dedicate themselves to each other, your commitment stands a landmark in your relationship with each other.

Let every St Valentine’s Day that you enjoy in the future, be a reminder that on the 14th February 2007, you chose to commit yourselves to each other, by joining of hands, exchanging of vows, and exchanging of rings.

And let today be the day you look back at and say to each other, ‘I loved you before the commitment ceremony, I love you more because of it’.
Commitment Certificates

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Saturday, November 21, 2015

Someone’s Father Someone’s Son – A Woman’s Journey by Thea Fietje

From birth, Thea’s journey through life has never been dull. Having left home at sixteen to escape the chaos that represented her family life, she was determined not to repeat their pattern. Yet, the three relationships she formed were with men either with abusive tendencies or with unresolved issues that doomed any hope she had of a happy life.

Like many women in abusive relationships, she believed that by the power of her love she could transform the man. Since then she’s realised that irresponsible and troubled men cannot get rescued and that they often resent the rescuer for making them feel even weaker.

Having been in those situations herself, she knows that there are a myriad of reasons why women don’t leave their abusive partners. Through extensive research she also learned that regardless of race, creed or status, domestic violence isn’t just a problem of the uneducated, poor and unassertive.

Looking for a solution, she found thousands of books on the subject, the majority written by psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers; few by the victims themselves.

It is Thea’s belief that the ultimate solution is for women to share their stories of abuse and recovery to help others in those situations. And it is with the idea that her own experiences may help others that Thea has written her book, ‘Someone’s Father Someone’s Son – A Woman’s Journey’.

In her own words, she explains how she began to change her life, by changing her own response to it.

‘I had held my partners responsible for most of the failure in the relationship. But as I continued on my journey of self-discovery I became more aware of the role that I too had played. I also realized that holding onto resentment and blame were negative emotions and so I practised sending love to those, dead and alive, who had hurt me. Forgiveness is a wonderful healer and in time the wounds from my past began to heal. It took much longer though to come to the realization that each partner came into my life to move me into the next phase of my spiritual growth. They were all my teachers; just as my children are − each one to some degree a reflection of myself.’

This book, based on Thea’s three significant partners led her to write her story in which she encourages other women, in similar circumstances to release themselves from the role of victim.

In her opinion, the mistakes we make don’t define us − it’s what we learn from them that does.
Coming soon to Amazon
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Friday, November 13, 2015

Lady Chatterley's Lover

Did you know that in the month of November 1960 Penguin publishers at last won their fight against the Fathers of morality and allowed to publish ‘Lady Chatterley’s Lover’?

Today’s readers would hardly blink at the sex-scenes and four-letter words which were considered so immoral in Lawrence’s time that only after much legal wrangling the book was published thirty years after the author’s death.

The first print of 200,000 copies sold out on the first day of publication. Within six weeks 2 million copies had been sold. Not to offend the rest of the public, the book was sold in a paper bag wrapping.

Some of D.H. Lawrence’s better-known books include, ‘Sons and Lovers’, ‘The Rainbow’ and ‘Women in Love’ as well as poems and short stories. One of my own favourites is ‘The ‘Odour of Chrysanthemums’. In it the author has a theme common to a lot of his writing - the isolation in which people live even when in a close relationship.




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