Sunday, August 29, 2021

THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE AT ITS BEST

 

 Did I read that sign right?

"TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW."

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In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

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In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS...

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In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.

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In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

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Outside a second-hand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

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Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS...

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Spotted in a safari park:       
(I sure hope so.)

ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.

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Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.

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Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

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Message on a leaflet:

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.

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On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.) 

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Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife

And Daughter

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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

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Miners Refuse to Work after Death

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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant     

  
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War Dims Hope for Peace

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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

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Sunday, July 25, 2021

Book Sale Ending Soon

 

LAST WEEK OF SMASHWORDS SUMMER/WINTER SALE!



Check it out

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Tuesday, July 13, 2021

Marketing Yourself as a Celebrant

 Separating Yourself from other Celebrants

1. Have you studied public speaking, taken drama classes or singing lessons? All these are some of the talents which other celebrants won’t have. 

2. Have you studied law, or languages or done volunteer work? These are some other talents which can differentiate you from other celebrants. 

3. If English is your second language, you might be just what your compatriots are looking for. Not only will you be able to conduct a ceremony in a language which all of their guests will understand, you might offer to be a translator for other officiants who are associated with couples using your language.

4. Celebrants who are parents or grandparents might have a natural affinity for ceremonies dealing with children.

5. Officiants who themselves have enjoyed long, happy partnerships might look to attract couples celebrating their renewal of wedding vows in as part of their wedding anniversary celebration.

 6. If you enjoy photography or art generally, it might make you a bit of an expert when it comes to drafting certificates for various ceremonies or even taking a few snaps for those couples who’ve decided on an elopement ceremony with only two witnesses. You end up being not only their celebrant, but also the one to create memories for them through your photographic skills.

7. If you’re young and exuberant, the younger clients might love your energy.

8. If you’re an older, more sedate person, clients might enjoy your unflappability.

9. As a retiree, your accessibility might be a real plus for the client who is tired of talking to the answering machines of celebrants who are in full time employment and never home.

When thinking of advertising yourself as a celebrant, keep in mind what the client is after. This will include: 

1. What will the client receive from you that he won’t receive from other celebrants? 

2. What are some problems associated with the particular event that you have the answer for, and for which other celebrants don’t? 

3. How can they tell that your fee is based on value for money and not just a figure that you’ve pulled out of a hat? 

4. Why are your fees so much lower or higher than those of other celebrants? 

Other things, which will go towards the image you want to project, are the physical attributes that the client will experience when he contacts you. This will be: 

1. How you sound answering you phone. Are you friendly and interested in what the client has to say? Do you come across as a helpful and caring person? Do you inspire confidence by understanding what your responsibilities as an officiant are? 

2. What your recorded message on your answering machine suggests. Is the message clear and concise giving options to the client as to how he can contact you in the future without wasting his time ringing over and over again? Are you prompt in returning the call? 

3. The quality and professionalism of any printed information you send out to the potential client. Do you work towards making your printed material memorable by using a particular theme or logo for your letter heads, business cards and leaflets or brochures? How about colour-coordinating every bit of paper you sent out, including the paper clip you use to keep the pages together? 

4. Delivering on your promise. Are you careful about promising to do things for clients in a certain time only if you know you can do it, so that they’re not waiting for information brochures or kit for weeks, instead of the day or two you told them? 

5. The way your office – home or otherwise – looks from the street, front door, and inside. Are the surrounds neat and tidy and your entrance inviting? Are any pets kept away from the gate so that your client doesn’t have to fight his way to your door? Does your interview room smell fresh and look inviting with fresh flowers or other indication of a welcoming attitude? 

6. If you use a door bell do you answer it promptly instead of having your client kicking his heels on the doorstep wondering whether he’s come to the right place? 

7. How friendly you are in all your communication by phone, printed material and in person. Do you try to make all your communication personal as well as presentable and professional? 

8. How organized you sound, look and act. Whether on the phone or at the interview, do you make sure that you have everything at hand that you need? 

9. Your standard of dress. Are you aware of your client’s expectations as to how you should dress? Have you taken the trouble to see how other celebrants dress and handle themselves? How do you want to be perceived by your clients in terms of how you dress?

Extract from How to be a Profitable Celebrant


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Sunday, July 11, 2021

Honeymoon Planner

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Wednesday, June 30, 2021

Celebration!

The 13th annual July Summer/Winter Sale has kicked off and running through from July 1 to July 31. 

Thousands of great ebooks are on sale at deep discounts ranging from 25% off, 50% off, 75% off to FREE!

You can help celebrate and support these authors by mentioning the promotion to your friends on social media and if you find a bunch of great books on sale, let others know. They might want to take advantage of this opportunity as well.

Don’t forget to check back throughout the month because hundreds of new titles will be added to the promotion each day.

If you're looking for books to add to your Resources. check out the following discounted ebooks to help you  celebrate the milestones in your life.


1. Celebrating Love's Special Moments 

2. Wedding Words: Perfect Words for Your Wedding Ceremony 

3. How to be a Profitable Celebrant: Practical Tips on Running a Profitable Celebrancy Business

4. You can be a Successful Officiant

5. Wedding Your Way

6. 1,000 Answers to Your Wedding Questions

7. Honeymoon! A Sizzle or a Fizzle: Prepare Mentally, Physically and Emotionally for the best time of Your Life 







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Tuesday, June 8, 2021

Quiet or even Boring Honeymoon?

Although in the midst of planning, wedding couples can hardly believe that a honeymoon could ever become boring, even the rich and famous, with all the choices they have, have found a honeymoon too quiet.

It started off with an unexpectedly quiet wedding as guests simply declined the invitation to attend the wedding of King Edward V111 and Wallis Warfield Simpson. Only very few friends decided to join them in their celebration.

The honeymoon was even quieter.

After an obligatory tour of Venice and Milan, the couple settled for three months in the Carinthian Mountains, in Austria. As the new duchess had a fear of flying – after seeing two air accidents when she was first married to Earl Winfield Spencer – any travel the couple undertook had to be either by land or sea.

Their honeymoon home was Castle Wasserloenburg, a fifteenth century castle in Austria, reportedly inhabited by the restless spirit of the ‘Bluebeard Duchess’. Like the original male Black Beard, the Bluebeard Duchess married often. And just as often her husbands didn't last long.

The King and Mrs. Simpson had asked for a quiet time to themselves, and received it with a vengeance. They spent much of their time walking or hiking as the area is noted for its wonderful scenery. It could be that the quiet outdoor life was not to the complete liking of the new wife, as she spent quite a few hours of the day writing letters to friends, and even her ex husband!

                                      Extract from 'Honeymoon! A Sizzle or a Fizzle 



 

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